I'm mesmerized. Awesome essay Mary! I completely agree with your ideas of the government's harshness and the harms that it does to the people! Once again nice job!
Overall, what you say is that government in a command economy should make smart choice? Then it's the government which is the problems, not the type of economy? '_'
I like your hook, because well *coughs* i kinda helped you with that. i never knew it could sound SO good on paper; so flawless [: I think, in my opinion only, that the conclusion paragraph should be wrapping up your point. It seems like you've stuffed all the analysis of the body paragraphs into the conclusion, making it longer. Overall I think the essay sounded great! (:
Wow! OMG it's an amazing essay Mary with specific and persuasive supporting details, it's just so awesomthat e when i done reading iti decided that im definitely so going to be on ur side <3
@jack: well because command economies are based on the government so that's why I'm talking about the government's choices @vivi: haha very funny. and thankyou :P @shane: thanks shane <3 yours is great too :)
ok?! '_' And Mr. Pat said not to use "you" in the body but I think it's good that you used it :D Agree to Vivi, your conclusion is longer than neccessary '_'
8 comments:
I'm mesmerized. Awesome essay Mary! I completely agree with your ideas of the government's harshness and the harms that it does to the people! Once again nice job!
Thanks Terry (:
you did a great job too :]
Overall, what you say is that government in a command economy should make smart choice? Then it's the government which is the problems, not the type of economy? '_'
I like your hook, because well *coughs* i kinda helped you with that. i never knew it could sound SO good on paper; so flawless [:
I think, in my opinion only, that the conclusion paragraph should be wrapping up your point. It seems like you've stuffed all the analysis of the body paragraphs into the conclusion, making it longer.
Overall I think the essay sounded great! (:
Wow! OMG it's an amazing essay Mary with specific and persuasive supporting details, it's just so awesomthat e when i done reading iti decided that im definitely so going to be on ur side <3
@jack: well because command economies are based on the government so that's why I'm talking about the government's choices
@vivi: haha very funny. and thankyou :P
@shane: thanks shane <3 yours is great too :)
ok?! '_'
And Mr. Pat said not to use "you" in the body but I think it's good that you used it :D
Agree to Vivi, your conclusion is longer than neccessary '_'
Nice Essay, I like your hook and your thesis explain most of the things in your essay. Your Supporting idea is great.
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